Women, Men, and the Legendary Wars

Women, Men, and the Legendary Kitchen Wars

Let me say this as a woman: I deeply believe in equality.If Palla isn’t important for me, it’s not automatically important for my bhabhi just because she’s a woman and “ladkiyon ka kaam hota hai.”

But.And it’s a big but.

In my own life I’ve seen something interesting (and mildly exhausting):

• Men often keep it…simple.They’re like: “Khana ban gaya? Great. I’ll eat, burp, and watch something.”

• Women, on the other hand, are managing 47 emotions, 32 expectations, and 18 invisible scorecards… all while stirring the dal.

I’m not saying women are born manipulative evil masterminds.I’m saying: we’ve been trained to survive using emotional Wi-Fi.

• No direct fights.

• No clear boundaries.

• Smile, serve, adjust, “Arey main toh bas bol hi rahi thi…”

So what comes out sometimes?Passive-aggressive comments, buttering, over-explaining, and… manipulation.Because power toh milta nahi seedha-seedha, toh shortcut nikaal hi lete hain.

Divide & Rule, Domestic Edition

If you think about it, women have always been powerful:

• We focus better (mostly).

• We mature earlier (definitely).

• We handle multiple things at once (whether we want to or not).

So centuries ago, maybe some insecure men looked at this and thought:“Yeh toh humse zyada intelligent nikli. Ab kya karein?”

Solution: Divide and Rule — Ghar Edition.

Let’s divide the women into two teams and make them fight each other:

• Team Saas

• Team Bahu

Both insecure.Both craving love, validation, power, and Wi-Fi password to the kitchen.

So now:

• Authority = Who rules the kitchen.

• Respect = Who makes “perfect” khaana.

• Love = Who sacrifices the most.

And suddenly life starts revolving around:

• “Kisne dal mein namak zyada daal diya?”

• “Kiski sabzi zyada tasty hai?”

• “Kisne bacche ko kya khilaya?”

To all saas and bahus out there, I want to say this very clearly:

Nobody’s life depends on your one dish.Nobody is going to die if the sabzi is extra spicy or the dal has extra salt.

Thoda pet kharab hoga, log thoda complain karenge, phir bhi kal subah sab uth ke phir kha hi lenge. Relax. 💁‍♀️

The Mommy Olympics: You’re Always Wrong

If you are a new mom, congratulations and condolences. You have unlocked level:“Sabse zyada tum hi galat ho.”

From Day 1, the commentary begins:

• “Why are you breastfeeding like this?”

• “Why aren’t you breastfeeding more?”

• “Why are you not giving sugar yet?”

• “Oil nahi daala kaan mein? Arre kaise maa ho tum?”

• “Glucose biscuits are good, we gave them to our kids also!”

• “Fried poori is good for strength!”

WHO guidelines?Pediatrician advice?Science?

Pfft.Who the hell is WHO, right?

They don’t have a degree. They don’t have scientific backing.But they do have EXPERIENCE, okay?(And experience + volume = always right. Apparently.)

The funny-sad part?It’s not just men doing this.It’s mostly… other women.

• Moms, mom-in-laws, nanis, dadis, didis, neighbours, the aunty who saw your baby once in the lift.

Everyone “knows better”.You’re raising your kid “all wrong” — and they’ll tell you this between sips of chai.

Where Is All This Coming From?

Under all this drama, judgement, and taunting, I see one big thing:

Insecurity.

• “How dare you do better than what I did?”

• “How can you make your own choices when I never could?”

• “If your way works, does that mean my way was wrong?”

It’s painful.And instead of saying, “Yaar, mujhe bhi ye freedom milta,”it becomes, “Tum galat ho. Main sahi thi. Main sahi hoon.”

So they cling to control:

• Over your kitchen.

• Over your baby.

• Over your body.

• Over your decisions.

Because dominance feels safer than accepting, “I wasn’t allowed to choose, but you are, and that’s a good thing.”

So What Do We Do Now?

Honestly?I don’t have a 10-step feminist revolution plan. I’m just a tired woman who wants some peace and a reasonably warm cup of chai.

But here’s what I wish we could do:

• Women stop assassinating other women’s choices.You don’t like how she raises her kid? It’s okay. Your grandchild will still survive without sugar in year 1.

• Men stop hiding behind “hum simple hai.”Simple is cute, but share the emotional load also, bhai.

• Kitchen ≠ battlefield.If someone’s cooking, appreciate, help, or shut up. These are the only three options.

• Experience + Science > Just Experience.“Humne bhi bacche pale hain” is valid.“Isliye doctor ki zaroorat nahi hai” is not.

And most importantly…

Stop treating every slightly different choice as a personal attack on your entire life.

Sometimes, a different choice is just… a different choice. Not a judgement on yours.

A Small Note to Saas, Bahu, and Everyone in Between

If you’re a saas:Your bahu isn’t your competition. She’s not here to prove your whole life wrong. She’s just trying not to lose her sanity between night feeds and unsolicited advice.

If you’re a bahu:Your saas is not a Marvel villain (okay, not always). She’s also a product of her time, conditioning, and 30 years of never being heard.

If you’re a husband:You are not a “neutral third party”. You are one of the main characters. Please act accordingly.

And if you’re like me — listening to everyone, understanding everyone, agreeing with no one fully but also not fighting —

Maybe this is our tiny rebellion:We see the nonsense.We name it.We laugh at it.We refuse to continue it.

And when someone says,

“You’re raising your kid all wrong.”

We just smile and reply:

“Accha theek hai. Aap bhi dekh lena, WHO bhi dekh lega, doctor bhi dekh lega.Filhaal mujhe baby ko hug karne do.” 💛

Bas. Blog done. Ab chai peeyo.